Sewing-n-Sawdust

Although anyone reading my author blog would much prefer to see me making announcements about the Renewal universe, a hard fact remains. I have to make enough of a living to stay afloat. I have spent far too much time doing things that are completely antithetical to the goal of writing, but thanks to a few changes, I am redefining the system as we speak – so to speak.

Anything I write as an independent author has a significant time lag from publication to actually making money. If you are still out there, waiting for the sequel to Renewal, and the sequel to that, then my best case scenario is that I publish and roughly 120 days later, I get paid enough to stop doing all the things I do to keep my pirate ship afloat. If you are not there, if you have moved on, understandably so given the amount of time it has taken, then my chance of being able to focus on fiction full-time is slim to none. If you would chime in at this point, and let me know how you feel, it definitely helps my decision process.

Meanwhile, I need a system that pays for my time in the short term. Paycheck to paycheck. This could be a normal job, which I suck at doing (since most bosses are idiots) or even landing, since I am a profound generalist, jack-of-all-trades, Renaissance man kind of guy with an earnings history that weeds me out before I get started. We all know that companies look for specialists who have spent 7 years doing a very specific thing, using a very specific technology. Frankly, I disagree with this entire approach. Broad expertise that can be focused is far more valuable than a life spent in the side pocket of a pool table, but the stats don’t lie. Companies continue to look for cogs in the machine rather than broad-based problem solvers, and there is nothing I can do about it. Except…

There are things that matter in terms of making a living, and things that matter in terms of making a life. Obviously if we could all solve both at once we would. That’s a rare gift indeed. In my case, I strive for it. I’ve had enough significant health issues that I regard life as too short to spend on things that don’t matter to me.

So, what matters? People, obviously, and what they do, how they cope and interact with each other. How they communicate in world where communication seems to be broken across ideological lines. Animals, and giving them a refund for their total dedication to us, which includes dog rescue in a major way, spoiling cats in a significant way, and acknowledging the glory of beef, pork, chicken, and eggs on my table. The fish, well… I’m not sure they give a crap. Survival is survival.

I dove into sewing for one primary reason. I wanted to make dog clothing for our current ODH foster, Hagar. Hagar came to us as a captured stray. He had no fur, but he was clearly loved and spoiled at some point in his life. I imagine that his people succumbed to Alzheimers and forgot he was in the yard. His remaining person probably got picked up and moved to a nursing home without anyone knowing that a tiny dog was waiting patiently in the backyard. Eventually, Hagar realized that he would have to fend for himself and escaped, and some time later, he was picked up as a stray, wearing a grimy sweater and without his proud mantle of Pomeranian fur. As ODH fosters, we were presented with this dog as the worst of the current crop. The shelter had decided that he may not be in his right mind, and that we may have an impossible task on or hands. Of course this was what we wanted. As my wife said, “If Jim can’t connect with him…” It’s true. I can read dogs very well. The end result was that Hagar was emotionally wounded, yes. But he was not gone. Our connection with him is now is as solid as dogs we have raised from puppies. He trusts us and is excited to be near us. I can’t really express how gratifying it is to gain his trust, but that trust is true. Just like it is with all dog relationships.

So, I decide to tackle sewing to make Hagar more comfortable. For me, every moment of an old rescue dog’s life has become important.  I do my usual massive, generalist data crunch, like I do on every new skill, and I discover a few remarkable things. First is that sewing is massive and highly refined. In sewing terms, every basic sewing problem has been solved to a high degree, and information is raining out of the sky like a Tennessee Summer storm. Second is that it speaks an entirely different language than a man with a lifetime of crafting skills. If I want to make dog clothes, there is plenty of information, but it all falls in the realm of costumes for dogs rather than practical solutions. If I want to make a bed for dogs, I can find tons of good information on how to make an old sweater into a dog bed, which is great, but I can’t find anything on how to make a dog bed from scratch. If I want to compensate for a dog’s behavior in design of a harness, or a grab handle, or flotation, products exist, but they are expensive and they can never cover every case, such as dog that is blind, deaf, old, and happens to like running out into the street for kicks.

I extend this into other problems, such as the 100 times I have tried to design a trade show both and been stymied by the fact that I needed some sewing done, but I was speaking a different language than the sewist in question and I realized… there is giant man-shaped hole in sewing. Go ahead and look. There is no book on sewing for men. This is for two reasons, I suspect. One is that the men who actually sew for a living defend their territory (as men do) for competitive advantage. Two is that sewing is a grand feminine tradition. I do not mean to imply that this is a bad thing. It is a cultural tradition of sharing that probably reaches back to the dawn of civilization. Women are more than happy to share their knowledge and experience in sewing. That’s not the problem. The problem is that men are no more ready to ask the dumb questions than they are inclined to stop and ask directions when they are lost.

That being the case, I have studied the crap out of sewing and reached out to machine manufacturers in an effort to bridge the gap between a grand feminine tradition and the male tendency to avoid a language barrier that equates to asking for directions, even when we know full-well that we are lost. I’m bridging a predominantly female tradition with a male tradition of making things that can shear off hands and shoot flames out of tanks full of volatile gas. As my editor Connie says, “Tailoring requires the same kind of mind that would build a trebuchet.” I think she’s right.

As such, I have created a YouTube channel called Sewing-n-Sawdust, where we will build shop-sewing projects, from a male list of motivations, and see if we end up with something useful. Lest you think it’s a sexist screed, let me paraphrase my friend Miranda, who will always be able to sew circles around me. ” I agree that the sewing world is full of frilly nonsense. Unless I am going to a formal event, I would just as soon burn a dress as to wear it.”

As man facing the women’s world of sewing, we are just trying to catch up, but we probably never will.

A Subtle Sexism

I have been accused of sexism in my writing more than once. The most aggressive accuser was at least kind enough to call it a subtle sexism. I figure if I’m a large hairy male critter who can manage “subtle” in my view of women, I’m doing fairly well. That doesn’t mean that I have no strong opinions, however. It means that like everyone, I have my own ways of looking at a very complex subject and reducing it to a worldview that works with integrity to my beliefs.

Why write about sexism in the midst of so many other election year topics in a world that could very well be coming apart at the seams? This article and its companion comments triggered my particular venting of opinion.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/09/23/why-women-should-stop-trying-to-be-perfect.html

Before I talk about my actual opinions on the subject, I want to point out that I read a lot of  this kind of article. Not only am I interested in the views of women, I find that those views are a critical and frequently overlooked piece of the great tapestry of American society. In other words, if we want to make progress as a nation, we cannot ignore anyone, especially the women who make up the majority of our numbers, and do so against a surprising onslaught of challenges that men never face.

If you were to roll past the body of these articles, into the comments section, you would find a stock cast of characters. There are the balanced comments, of course, the women (for the most part) who try to see it from both sides, basically like their husbands, and struggle with their demands in the best way they can. These voices make up the bulk of the comments and cover a range of good points.

Next, you invariably have the man-haters who are poised to lay the blame for every problem they have ever experienced at the feet of a heartless, condescending, exploitative patriarchal society. The wolves are guarding the sheep. There is a basis for that kind of thought, but if the entire universe pivots around it, I suspect there is a lot of potential happiness is being left on the table.

To support that worldview, the so-called alpha males always stick it in. (Crude innuendo intended) They like to take the tack that women should be happy that we let them have shoes and leave the kitchen, or they like to start whining about how men are far more put upon than women, never mind that they have the lion’s share of societal advantages.

Those “dudes” like to point to the gamma male, the guys who actual have the ability to sympathize with the challenges of women, and to give them women the credit they deserve for the sacrifices they make. First the alphas make fun of the gammas for an obviously ineffective tactic for diving into the britches of hapless and gullible (in their view) women with the whole sensitive male bit, then the mentally muscular alpha proceeds to issue the pointless threat that if they were to meet up with one these gammas, they would undoubtedly kick the living crap out of the poor sensitive male. It would probably be a bad day for an alpha if a gamma were to express support for women, and then proceed to demonstrate that how a man thinks about women has no bearing on his ability to open up a can of whoop ass.

And that’s the play. There are plenty of opinions along the continuum of thought in the battle of the sexes, and other type casts for specific issues like abortion rights, but these characters seem to appear at any gathering to discuss women’s issues. Does anyone think that the most prevalent breakdown of communication the human race experiences, namely between men and women, can be expressed this simply?

Where I fall in the tumble depends on how you define sexism. If you think that men and women are exactly the same, blank human slates to be filled with the programming of the world around us, I think I am definitely sexist. I believe that we are different, and that we were made (or evolved, your choice) that way for good reasons. Aside from the obvious fact that women can have babies, we have profound biological differences that affect everything from child rearing to how our brains are structured, and I regard that as a very good thing. For every idiot failing I have, there is a woman in this house with a compensating strength.

If, on the other hand, you define sexism based on how we treat men and women regarding the technicalities: rights, equal pay, the glass ceiling, reproductive rights, religious rules, and all the other ways that men try to force women into a second class in society, then I’m a solid feminist. I believe that women should have every opportunity that men do, on an equal playing field, and I further believe that they are fully capable of filling any roles they see fit.

Equal, but not the same.

At risk of losing my membership in good standing of the Big Hairy Male Society, I’d go so far as to say that I have no problem seeing about ten million things that women, as a rule, do better than men. I also believe that women have a number of competitive advantages in the game of life, and when I make a point of those things in my stories, that’s probably where I cross the line into the subtle sexism zone.

I’m not covering any new ground here, but how many men have done something purely stupid because they were doing it for an attractive woman? How many men have wrecked their entire lives for the same basic reason? Yeah… How many women have noticed how one of those really beautiful women seem to have it so easy, with men stumbling over themselves to offer some form of assistance, anything from opening doors to buying extravagant gifts?

Yes, I understand that women prefer, as a rule, to be measured by their accomplishments rather than their looks, but there is no way to interpret that basic biological power over men as a general disadvantage. Does it lead to frequent instances of victimization by men? Sure it does. Does the pursuit of that advantage lead women to do crazy things to attain it? Yep. That too. In extreme cases, women pursue beauty like politicians pursue high office. In both cases, the below-the-line advantages outweigh the fight. Is there an entire industrial strength layer of society devoted to extracting money from that basic desire? Sure. The point is that if female attractiveness and the male desire to possess it at all costs were not a baseline advantage for women, then a bolt of the fabric of our society would not be built around it. Another swath is devoted to resisting it.

The previous two paragraphs could brand me as a not-so-subtle sexist. I get that, but I don’t think that really detracts from the truth of it. Growing up in the South, I was taught a whole set of common rules of etiquette that involved things like opening doors for women, and pretty much everything else you might expect, good and bad. It was a shock the first time I tried that move out here in the Pacific Northwest, where I’ve learned that a great many women are striving for total equality, including ignoring the fact that they are indeed women. I opened the huge door on the front of the Barnes & Noble for a middle aged woman, and received a huge scathing lecture for my trouble. It’s not easy to shed the teaching from my youth, so I just keep opening doors and trying to guess whether I’ll get a thank you, a dirty look, or a lecture.

The waters are muddy these days. My guess is that both sexes are struggling to define the proper roles for themselves, just like I’m playing door-roulette for sport. In terms of how we actually deal with each other, women and men, it’s an anything goes scenario, and we probably have a long way to go to work it out, if a resolution is even possible. It could be that every detail of gender relations is a fluid construct – forever, and we’ll always muddle through as best we can.

However, in technical and legal terms, there is no reason that we should define ourselves differently. Women have great strength and some weaknesses in any given situation. Men have great strength and some weaknesses in any given situation. The best we can do is to figure out which strengths and weakness apply to that situation and give full credit to whoever can solve the problem of the moment. Full credit, for the record, means equal pay, equal rights, and some smart accommodation for the fact that women still bear the major burden for childbirth, child raising, and you know, the perpetuation of the human race.